On reflection, my decision to take a couple of weeks off to ‘rest’ was flawed from the outset. The wife went completely ‘Stefan Postma’ on me; she was constantly on my back.

 

The evil one demanded that the bedroom receive a full makeover. As nothing has been done in there for a number of years, I wasn’t overly upset with her having the decorators in.

 

Tidying up the garden was the hardest job. I was absolutely knackered at the end; the incessant drone of the lawnmower completely ruined my afternoon nap.

 

I did manage to wash the car myself. I say wash, but ‘drove in the rain’ would probably be a more accurate description. In my defence, I have been busy putting together a collection of ante-post football bets that are so tasty, Nordic babe-magnet Sven Goran Eriksson has been trying to get his hands on them.

 

Manchester United are a confident pick for Premiership Qiu Qiu Online glory. United were clearly the best team in the league last season, and their summer transfer dealings have been nothing short of exemplary. United are available at 7/5 in a two-horse race: I suspect foal play.

 

Liverpool are the betting equivalent of Lenny Henry: every year they receive massive support for no apparent reason. I like the look of Arsenal at 2/1 in the betting without Man U and Chelsea.

 

I’ve got a lot of time for ‘let’s do it again’ Sven. England rose from 17th to 4th in the FIFA world rankings under the Swede’s tutelage, and he managed to orchestrate this transformation while planting his pole more than Sergey Bubka. The 2/1 for Manchester City finishing the season in the top half of the table is the most surprising offer since Ulrika …