This is a satirical essay concerning a few things that an educated, enlightened, winning gambler must face in his gambling career.

It’s kinda bitter.

Bitter, party of one, your table’s ready!

And it’s kinda moronic too.

And it does shed some light on this highly important subject.

I am Dave in Cali. I am a scientist. I have edumacation in mathematics, statistics, logic, and a variety of other brainiac kinda topics too. I study the game of poker. I aspire to be the best player I can be, and to win money while doing it. I understand how gambling works. I know about things like the standard deviation. Expectation. Expected value. Fluctuations. And the nature of randomness and “luck.” I have read many books. I have studied the best texts on the game of poker. I “know” the facts. I “know” about the true nature of gambling. I choose my actions based on what I know about gambling, poker, odds, randomness, luck, etc. There are a few individuals who know me that can verify that I “know” all these things. A very small few indeed. The rest of the world doesn’t have a clue. And they don’t want one either..

So what do you do when you “know” what I know? Well, obviously, you play poker. And win money. And feel smug when you do. You use all these facts that you “know” to win at gambling. And depending on your bankroll, discipline, and personal desire, you can potentially make a lot of money because of what you “know.” But WHY does this knowledge of yours allow you to win at gambling? Well, against most gambling games, you “know” that you simply can’t beat them, so you don’t play them. One of the reasons I have become a winning player …